Usually, I try not to do much emotional sharing on this site -- mainly, I want it to be about my love for the world and the amazing things in it, and any help I can offer to make enjoying travel easier for you guys. But I was really thrown for a loop recently, and I wanted to share, because traveling, and seeing yourself as "a traveler," is a complicated business.
We all know I am moving back to my hometown, and part of me is excited about it (the whole no-job-in-sight thing notwithstanding. Bummer, economy, major bummer...). But part of me feels odd, like I am losing a part of my identity -- the wandering, kind of homeless part. And that part of me is often a very difficult part to live with, for as much as I style myself an Epic Adventurer, I am also a homebody, and have come to really value comfort and stability as I grow up. But comfort and stability have also come to feel very suffocating.
It's scary to sign a twelve-month lease! I've never had one before! It's scary to read job postings and realize that creative work seems to be a rare thing nowadays (and I could go on about the US government discouraging innovation and independent businesses, but that's a different blog altogether).
And the worst, the WORST, is jealousy. I have a couple of friends who have somehow landed dream jobs, jobs that fly them around the world regularly, that bankroll conferences in Doha and meetings in Bahrain and relocations to Malaysia. What an amazing thing! I am happy for my friends, who have these opportunities before them and appreciate them, and are doing good work related to the people in these places.
But staring down the life of leases and jobs, as simple as it seems for so many other people, scares the hell out of me.